Crying over spilt milk is what you do when your kid fountain vomits and busts out in hives like she’s been swaddled in poison ivy. A few stray drops on a table from a friend’s sippy cup or someone’s coffee, and her body explodes. Sometimes it’s ok because she didn’t actually ingest it. But, sometimes you cry…because it’s fucking awful. Dose her up. Grab her bag. Be thankful you’re five minutes from a great hospital. Never a dull moment.
That started two years ago. Food allergies became a “thing” in our lives; dairy, egg, peanut, fish, and shellfish. More recently, our daughter (at two and a half years old) was diagnosed with and began treatment for a pediatric brain tumour. She also suffered a stroke around the time of her surgery. She now has a permanent VP shunt, still has part of the tumour, and we’re on a steep learning curve about life with physical disability.
Shit happens. Shit happens to good people. Shit happens to little kids. Shit happens that you cannot prepare for and for which you cannot assign blame. Crying over spilt milk is not only OK, it’s necessary. It doesn’t change anything, but you should definitely NOT not cry over it. Crying over spilt milk helps you accept what has happened and let go of what was in that glass. It’s gone…you’re not going to fill it up with the same milk (because who knows what was on that counter…that shit is messy). You just have to figure out what you’re going to refill it with.
There are more people in this kind of complex medical situation (and much more complex) than I ever realized, and like all of them, we’re trying to find joy and hope and to figure all this out as a family. She is kicking ass and taking names with her recovery, but there is no guarantee about what the future will hold.
We are not alone, but we are learning as we go, and learning comes with frustration. I get salty. I like swears. (They’re therapeutic and sometimes nothing else will do.)
I am not, in any way a qualified professional, so please don’t take anything I say as sage advice. I’m a parent, with a kid who has some significant and life threatening medical conditions. She has an older brother, who doesn’t. My partner and I are doing the best we can. I’ll keep you posted.